She's like the wind 10

10

 

Lena was waiting in front of the movie theatre in Hagerstown as Danny went to use the bathroom. She was looking at shop windows around, feeling the warmth of the rays of the July sun showering her back, when she noticed someone stopped behind her, staring at her in the glass of the shop window. She turned around and saw it was Eric. Not able to say a word, her heart started beating faster in her chest as her eyes met his.

 

„Hi Lena,“ he greeted her. „I had coffee at Starbucks,“ he pointed his hand across the street. „I saw you standing here.“

 

„Hi,“ she finally found a words, clearing her throat. „You look good.“

 

„Thanks,“ he nodded slowly. „I was released two weeks ago after spending several months in a rehabilitation section.“

 

„Well, we can go to watch a movie,“ Danny joined her, putting his arm around her shoulders.

 

„Danny, meet Eric Corbett,“ she glanced at him, then her eyes turned to Eric. „Eric, this is Danny Shields. He's a writer himself.“

 

„Nice to meet you. Are you the Eric Corbett?!“ Danny shook his hand with him, smiling, sincerity in his voice.

 

„Yes, I am. Do you know me?“ Eric lifted his eyebrow, his heart clenched seeing Danny touching her.

 

„Sure, I've read all your books. I admire your storytelling. Have you ever worked with Lena? She's very good at what she's doing. Thanks to her I succeeded in publishing my first book before Christmas,“ Danny gushed.

 

„Danny, we should go or we're going to be late,“ Lena said in a low voice, staring down to the ground.

 

Eric nodded. „I don't want to keep you. Have a nice evening, you two,“ he gave them a small smile, turned around and walked across the street, heading to a parking lot.

 

*

 

After leaving the theatre Danny took her home. Standing in front of her house he stroked her cheek. „What's wrong with you today? You're kind of silent, looking sad,“ he asked, worried.

 

„It's nothing,“ Lena shook her head, looked up at him, attempting to smile. He noticed that her smile didn't reach her eyes.

 

„Do you want me to stay with you?“ she heard unease in his voice.

 

„No, I'm going to be alright. Don't worry. I have to go to work tomorrow,“ she forced a smile, got on the tips of her toes, pecking him on the chin. „Good night, Danny,“ she said softly.

 

„Good night, sweetheart,“ he hugged her and she put her head on his chest, closing her eyes.

 

She waved at him, standing on the front porch, her hand on the knob till his car disappeared. Then she walked inside, closed the door behind her and leaned her back against it, closing her eyes. Looking in Eric's eyes this afternoon after ten months felt like someone stabbed her right into the heart.

 

*

 

Eric had no idea how he got home. He settled in the gazebo, his notebook on the table in front of him. He started writing a new book a week ago but now he couldn't focus on it.

 

When he spotted Lena as he was sitting at Starbucks, he immediately felt desire to come closer. He paid his bill and without hesitation he approached her. She was more beautiful than he remembered. Looking in her eyes, he felt desire to touch her. He wanted to take her home and make it up to her for everything he's ever done. He was longing to tell her the truth, that he loved her the whole time... but then HE came and pulled her closer to show Eric that she didn't belong to him anymore.

 

He closed the notebook and went inside. Dialing Joel's number he plopped down on the couch in his study.

 

*

 

„Can we talk?“ Ian stopped at Lena's table.

 

„Of course. Do you have another job for me?“ she smiled faintly, standing up.

 

„You could say that,“ he walked to his office, followed by her. „You know, Eric Corbett started writing a new book a week ago. He called asking me if we were interested in working with him again,“ he closed the door behind her. „What do you think? Do you want to do it?“

 

„Oh... I'm not sure, Ian,“ she brushed her hand against her forehead, averting her eyes.

 

„Look, Lena, I'm offering you the job. I don't want to make you date him. I know you're happy with Danny,“ he stroked her upper arm lightly.

 

Lena briefly nodded. „Can I think it over?“

 

„Sure. I don't need to tell you how much I'd like you to work on this. Considering he's at the beginning, we have some time to think it over. Take your time, OK?“ he stepped to the table, taking a folder in his hand. „I want you to know that I told him we would want to make the deal. But I didn't inform him about the editor.“

 

„OK. I understand. You want the deal. Someone else would do it if not me, right?“

 

„Exactly,“ he put the folder back on the table. „Don't be angry with me. His name is big. I wouldn't like to reject him. He could search for a different publishing company and we would lose a lot of money. On the other hand I don't want to push you considering what happened between you two. I hope you understand.“

 

„I do, Ian, I do. As I said, I will think it over and let you know,“ she opened the door to leave. „Danny doesn't know about him. Basically nothing happened between Eric and me but... you know.“

 

„I get it, Lena. Take your time. I can wait,“ he said reassuringly, winking.

 

„Thanks,“ she left the room. Staring at the screen for a few minutes she collected her things and left the office.

 

*

 

„Hi, do you have a minute? I hope I'm not disturbing,“ Lena said when her friend Eva opened the door.

 

„Come in,“ Eva led her to the living room.

 

Seeing Joel who was sitting down on the couch Lena halted. „Oh... I can come another day. I didn't want to interrupt anything. I'm sorry.“

 

„It's OK, Lena. I can go to the kitchen,“ Joel got up. „I understand you need to talk to Eva.“

 

„No, no, you stay. I'm leaving,“ Lena was about to go but Eva took her forearm.

 

„No one's leaving. Sit down,“ Eva pointed at the armchair and put a cup of coffee in front of Lena. „What happened? Tell me.“

 

Lena sighed and took a sip from her cup. „I don't know where to begin,“ her eyes darted from Eva to Joel and back to Eva.

 

„You met Eric yesterday, right?“ Joel said, to Lena's surprise, in effort to help her.

 

„Yes. You talked with him,“ Lena looked in his eyes, nodding slowly. „Danny doesn't know about the feelings between Eric and me in the past,“ she broke off for a moment. „On top of that Ian wants me to work with Eric on his upcoming book,“ she lowered her eyes.

 

„Something happened when you'd met him yesterday?“ Eva asked softly. „I mean you're a pro, you can manage to work with him again.“

 

„Nothing happened. We went to see a movie in the theatre in Hagerstown and I was waiting for Danny. At that point Eric suddenly appeared in front of me,“ she swallowed. „It hurt me to see him again. Even though I'm a pro, I'm not sure I can work with him, Eva.“

 

„Do you hate him that much?“ Joel intervened.

 

„It's not hatred, Joel,“ Lena raised her eyes to him. „You've been in touch with him the whole time. You know what he's done to me. How he treated me, how he talked to me. He didn't want me to be a part of his life. I felt so much pain, looking in his eyes...,“ she felt tears pricking in her eyes. „How could I work with him, acting as if nothing ever happened?“

 

„So did Eric and Danny meet? Perhaps, you should talk about it with Danny,“ Eva offered. „If he loves you he will understand.“

 

„If you don't hate him, do you still have any feelings for him? Or do you feel just indifference?“ Joel asked, sympathy in his voice.

 

Tears flowing down her cheeks, Lena shook her head. „I don't know,“ she let out a sob. „I'm not able to think about it like that. I was happy with Danny. My life moved the right way. Now it's like my world fell apart,“ she dropped her face in her hands.

 

Eva exchanged looks with Joel. He got up and left the room. Eva put her arm around Lena's shoulders. „Don't cry, Lena. Everything will be alright. Try to talk about it with Danny,“ she gave her a gentle squeeze. „You know... it's hard. But you should think it over to clarify your own feelings.“

 

Lena wiped her eyes, straightening her body. „You're right. I need to solve this situation. We'll see what's next. I have to be strong because of Danny,“ she finished her coffee. „I should go. Thanks for listening to me, Eva,“ she smiled faintly and got up.

 

„That's what friends are for,“ Eva smiled back. „And Lena?“

 

Lena turned around in the doorway. „Yes?“

 

„Don't be angry with Joel. He tried to see it from every point of view. He likes you just as much as he likes Eric, you know?“ Eva explained.

 

„I understand, don't worry. I'm not angry with him at all. I'm sure Eric was talking with him about his feelings, too. I also like Joel, I trust him,“ Lena gave her a wide smile. „Tell him,“ she walked out of the door. „I promise I will think about everything,“ then she left.

 

*

 

Lena thought about everything for several days, she talked to Danny as well, telling him about Eric and now she was standing in the middle of Ian's office, decision made.

 

„You wanted to talk to me,“ Ian stood up. „I suppose you've made a decision about Eric's book.“

 

„Yes, I have,“ she nodded. „I thought about it. I'm a pro, I hope. It's just another job. I'm not sure if it works but I want to give it a try,“ she shrugged.

 

„Glad to hear it, Lena. I'm happy you're willing to work on this book,“ he rounded the table and stepped closer. „Eric called me in the morning, telling me he had first three chapters. I promised to let him know. So it's good you came first,“ he smiled.

 

„Don't call him. I can stop at his on my way home,“ Lena said firmly, turning around to leave.

 

„Do you want to take revenge, Lena?“ he asked, concerned.

 

„No, not at all,“ she turned to him, lifting her eyebrows. „I just don't want to allow my emotions to interfere in my work,“ she looked in his eyes for a few seconds, before she left the room.

 

*

 

Eric was sitting in his study, working. He descended the stairs, hearing the doorbell ring. He assumed it could have been Ian because he'd called to him today morning.

 

Opening the door he paused in surprise, stunned, staring. Lena was standing there.

 

„Hi, Ian told me about the three chapters you've got. Do you have a flash disc ready for me?“ she asked monotonously, looking in his eyes.

 

„Hi, yes, of course. Come in,“ he stepped aside to let her in. „Would you like a cup of coffee or...?“

 

„I'm gonna wait here. Thanks,“ she didn't move, averting her eyes.

 

„OK,“ he left the door open and walked upstairs.

 

She was waiting, her heart pounding in her chest as if it wanted to jump out of it. She felt a lump growing in her throat, her stomach fluttering. On the outside she turned off her emotions, but they kept spreading, in danger of explosion inside. She struggled to pull herself together, seeing him coming back.

 

He handed her the flash disc and she shook under the touch of his fingers. „Lena, we should talk. Give me just several minutes of your time, please.“

 

„Thanks,“ she put it in her purse, clearing her throat in the process. „We have nothing to talk about, Eric,“ she shook her head. „We'll work together again, that's all. No emotions,“ she turned around. „I'll call you when I finish,“ she looked at him over her shoulder and headed for her car.

 

He was standing there, disconcerted, watching her car going away. He was surprised how cold-hearted she has become. I deserve it, no doubts about it. I should never have let her go. Is it too late to fight for her love? He closed the door, knowing he couldn't give up without a fight.

 

*

 

Lena arrived home, had a light dinner and settled on bed with her notebook. She opened the file from Eric's flash disc, wanting to work. The title of his book was Between Two Worlds. She started reading but after a few minutes she got up, put on her bathrobe, poured coffee into a mug for herself and walked outside. It was a warm evening even though it was the end of September.

 

She couldn't believe that she let him disconcert her that much. She realized that after everything that he's done to her, she still felt something for him. Looking in his eyes reminded her of every beautiful moment she'd spent with him. She should be angry with him, not feeling sorry. She shouldn't regret they weren't together anymore. She had Danny now and he loved her very much, she was well aware of it.

 

She will have to be stronger. She sighed and walked inside.

 

*

 

Eric didn't hear from Lena for several days. She didn't call as she promised. Yesterday he found her message in his mail. She informed him she'd finished reading the chapters and she asked him when and where they could meet.

 

So now he was sitting at Starbucks, waiting for her. It was the place where he saw her for the first time after he'd met her at the airport. There were many thoughts of her in his mind and he knew he would have to get a chance to talk to her, to explain everything that he'd done before.

 

„Hi,“ she broke his reverie as she took the opposite seat. „I've read it. It's a very good start as always,“ she put the flash disc on the table, shifting it to him. „Let me know when you have more written,“ she got up to leave.

 

„Lena, wait, please,“ he took her wrist gently and immediately let it go. „Give me a chance to explain everything. I know how I must look from your point of view now but everyone deserves a second chance. You live your life and that's good,“ he nodded his head slowly, sighing. „I don't think I ask that much. I'm begging you...,“ he looked up at her, his eyes sad, his face serious.

 

God, please, give me the strength to resist those eyes. Lena ran her hand through her hair. „Okay. Tomorrow at five p.m. We can meet here. Excuse me now, Danny's waiting for me.“

 

He barely managed to nod before she was gone.

 

*

 

After spending the rest of the day with Danny she arrived home. Lying in bed she couldn't fall asleep. She couldn't understand why she acceded to meet Eric outside the work. But there was something in his eyes... Of course, his eyes. She shook her head and turned on her other side, closing her eyes in effort to sleep. She still saw him in her mind, looking at her. Even though he looked already healthy, he looked sad and tired as well. Why should I care? It's not my job anymore. Stop it and sleep! Uneasiness in her heart, eventually she fell asleep.

 

*

 

After taking a shower Lena put on a pair of jeans and red top and took her purse. It was half past four so she had enough time to get to Starbucks. She was nervous as if she should meet Eric for the first time. But it wasn't for the first time and she regretted her decision to go there after all he's done to her. She was angry with him.

 

She started pacing the kitchen. She'd rather stay at home. Finally she decided to face it and left the house.

 

Even on her way she didn't admit it to herself that she still felt something for him. I will listen to him and then I'm going home.

 

„Hi Lena,“ he greeted as she took a seat opposite him. The waiter brought a cup of hot chocolate and placed it in front of her. „I took the liberty to order for you,“ he nodded at the waiter and turned his attention back to her.

 

„Thanks,“ she wrapped her hands around the cup. „What about your health? You look tired a bit.“

 

„I'm fine, thanks. Look, Lena, I know you're angry with me and it's your right,“ he shook his head slowly. „I regret every word I said to you when I was sick. I was a big jerk thinking I could stop loving you, when you leave me.“

 

„Yes, you were. Otherwise I'm not sure what are you talking about? You didn't love me. You've never said anything like this,“ she frowned, confused.

 

„I did,“ he nodded. „I do,“ he shrugged lightly. „I was about to tell you when I returned from the book tour but... you know what happened.“

 

„I'm not buying it. You didn't look like wanting to talk about love when you shouted at me to get out and never come back,“ she lowered her eyes to her cup. „You've hurt me bad. You know it.“

 

„I know. I didn't believe I could be fully recovered. I didn't believe I could walk again,“ he swallowed. „That's why I tried to discourage you from staying by my side. It was hard to shout at you but... I didn't want you take care of a cripple like me for the rest of your life. It was the only reason why I was the way I was. Nothing else. That wasn't that I didn't love you,“ he ran his hand through his hair before he continued. „You were amazing, you took care of me since the very beginning... It was hard to turn you away, Lena. It was heartbreaking but I was convinced it was for your sake.“

 

„It was really heartbreaking and you succeeded. You've broken my heart, Eric. What do you want from me now? Should I say... ahhh, so that's how it was, then it's alright?“ she lifted her arms in the air and let them fall back on the table, frustrated.

 

„I'm just trying to make you understand my point of view. I know which words you've heard to come out of my mouth and how much it was hurting you. And it wasn't only words, my behavior was more than bad,“ he urged. „Try to imagine you're confined to bed, you believe that it's forever. Someone who you love, takes care of you and you can do absolutely nothing... forever. Do you want him to be bind to you, to make him take care of you, still lying in bed, or on a wheel chair in a best case? I couldn't stand it,“ he brushed his hand against his forehead and looked at her again. „Do you think you would have left me on your own?“ his voice turned to whisper. „I couldn't have been so selfish.“

 

„No, I would have never left you on my own,“ she whispered, too, her eyes glistened with tears. „You needed me and I believed till the last moment that you loved me. I... I couldn't believe that you didn't want me to ever come back when you hadn't wanted to stay alone before,“ she stared at him, letting tears flow down her cheeks.

 

He reached out to cover her hand with his but she pulled it back before he did. „It was a big mistake what I've done, Lena. I know it's impossible to take it back,“ he sighed. „If I could turn back time I'd do it. I just want to ask you for your forgiveness if you can...,“ he trailed off.

 

She wiped her tears, the mix of feelings in her heart. „I'm sorry that you ruined our love before it could be born, Eric. Really I am,“ she raised her eyes to his. „I attributed your bad mood to your disease, telling myself it would be gone, once you were healthy again.“ She lowered her voice when she continued. „I was determined to stay by your side no matter what. No...,“ she lifted her finger in the air, seeing he wanted to speak, „... let me explain you how I felt,“ she swallowed. „Try to look at it from my point of view as well. I was taking care of you the whole time, visiting you when you were back to the hospital, trying to cheer up your spirit at least a bit... and what you did? I... I felt like choking up...,“ she broke off, tears back in her eyes. „I was looking forward to the moment when you get up off the bed, fully recovered, giving me your smile again. Instead of that...,“ she dropped her face in her hands. „I don't want to be reminded of this,“ she murmured. „It still hurts when I look at you, do you understand?!“ she pulled her hands off her face, frowning. „I can't forgive you, not yet. I'm sorry,“ she stood up and ran out of the restaurant.

 

*

 

Lena was sitting in her car, not able to see through the tears. Her heart was torn apart as everything came back to her. When she calmed a bit, she started the car and drove away. Knowing she couldn't be alone now she stopped in front of Eva's house. I hope she's alone. She walked to the front door and pushed the doorbell.

 

Eva opened the door and gestured for her to come inside without a word, seeing her face. Lena followed her to the kitchen.

 

„I hope I'm not disturbing again, Eva,“ Lena asked as Eva handed her a cup of coffee.

 

„You aren't,“ Joel spoke behind her. „I have to go,“ he stepped to Eva and kissed her. „See you later, OK?“ he winked.

 

„Sure,“ Eva smiled, nodding and Joel left.

 

„So... he did it on purpose?!“ Eva asked, lifting her eyebrow after Lena had told her about her encounter with Eric.

 

„Yes, he did. He asked me to forgive him,“ Lena shook her head. „You can't imagine how I feel. There's so much sorrow and anger inside of me at the same time. I don't know what to do, Eva. If I had a punching bag...,“ she fisted her hands, but tears appeared in her eyes once again.

 

„Yes, it would come in handy sometimes,“ Eva smiled gently. „Do you believe him?“ her face became serious again.

 

„I do. That's why it hurts me all the more so. He ruined everything on purpose! I can't believe it,“ Lena stood up and started pacing the kitchen back and forth. „Just because he didn't believe me, or Joel. He wanted to save me from the destiny of taking care of him as a cripple for the rest of my life. It doesn't make any sense to me.“ She was angry.

 

„I'm sorry, Lena, but I don't think so. I know you don't want to see it but it does make sense, taking from his point of view,“ Eva objected with a calmness in her voice.

 

„You're on his side,“ Lena halted, resentful.

 

„No,“ Eva responded. „I'm not on anyone's side, Lena. I'm just trying to be unbiased.“

 

„But he was wrong, don't you understand?“ Lena shook her head. „I wanted to stay by his side..., I wanted to help him get through that bad situation... I was patient for so long... but he rejected me in the end. He was so stubborn in his conviction that he'll be left powerless and on a wheelchair,“ she sat down at the table, dropping her face in her hands, bursting in tears. „I would have never left him knowing what I know now,“ she said between sobs.

 

„I completely understand how you feel and I think I understand how he felt,“ Eva sighed, putting her arm around Lena's shoulders. „You still love him. Or am I wrong?“

 

„I'm not sure,“ Lena raised her head, wiping her tears. „But it hurts so bad...,“ she looked at Eva. „I feel a lot for him, you're right. Why did he have to come back into my life? Why didn't he leave me alone and let me live my life? What should I do now?“ she stared straight ahead. „He broke my heart once again.“

 

„You know what? I think that you understand him somewhere deep inside your heart. You don't want to admit it even to yourself. You're very disappointed by yourself, Lena. Today you can't believe that he succeeded in turning you away from him back then,“ Eva gave her a reassuring smile as Lena slowly turned her head to her, surprised by her words. „You still want him in your life but it's complicated, I know. But you have to deal with this situation. I can't tell you what to do. But there's one thing that I'm sure of, you have to be honest with yourself and do what you really want to do. No matter what...,“ Eva broke off for a moment. „It's your life, a thing you can't set aside.“

 

*

 

Saturday was a beautiful day. After her conversation with Eva the day before, Lena thought a lot and decided to take a vacation and leave the town. She needed time to process everything that happened and think about it to find the right solution.

 

She was sitting on the front porch, waiting for Danny. She got up as she saw him coming to her after he'd closed the car door. Leaving the door open, she walked inside before him.

 

„I baked some cookies for you,“ she put a plate on the table. She looked at him as he stopped in the middle of the kitchen.

 

„You have your suitcase packed in the hall,“ he said, unease in his voice. „What happened, Lena? Are you leaving?“

 

„We need to talk, Danny,“ she nodded. „You know, I need some time... to put my life in order. Something happened and I feel the time has come for me to be single again. It wouldn't be fair to lie to you.“

 

„It's about Eric, right?“ he stepped closer and cupped her face. „Lately I felt you weren't yourself.“

 

„Danny..., it's really hard but I want to be honest with you,“ she sighed, putting her hands on his. „I realized that I still feel something for him even though he'd hurt me so bad. He asked me to forgive him which I wasn't able to do. Not yet,“ she looked up at him. „I like you very much, Danny, believe me...,“ she trailed off.

 

His hands left her face, sliding over her shoulders down her arms, caressing them. „But... it isn't love,“ he whispered, seeing tears in her eyes.

 

„It isn't. I hate to say it aloud,“ she swallowed, stifling tears. „I hate to hurt you. You're such a good guy,“ she kept looking in his eyes. „I believed it was love. I believed in us so much. I'm so sorry that I disappointed you. You don't deserve it,“ she hugged him, burying her face in his chest.

 

„Thanks for your honesty, Lena,“ he stroke her hair and pulled her back to look at her. „You didn't disappoint me,“ he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second. „Even though it hurts me losing you... I'm trying to understand... If you need to be on your own, do it. You're a strong person and I believe you'll find your true love and happiness one day,“ he stepped back. „I wish you all the best, Lena,“ he lifted his hand as if he wanted to wave at her, but he didn't. „You can call me one day to let me know how are you... if you want to...,“ he noticed tears flowing down her cheeks. „I'll be alright but I have to go now. Don't cry. Live your life the way you have to,“ he gave her the last long look before he left.

 

She was standing there without a move, staring at the door. She let out a quiet howl, closing her eyes, as she heard his car leaving. She didn't think it would be so hard and painful to say good bye. It was like someone ripped her heart out of her chest. Danny always loved her unconditionally, he was nice, good and attentive to her. She knew she would miss him. She missed him already now.

 

I'm not sure if I ever put myself together. It will be hard, very hard. How to deal with so much pain when my heart is broken into pieces? I only have one heart.

 

She forced herself to find her composure again and moved to the hall. She took her suitcase, locked the house and made her way to her car. Opening the trunk she put the suitcase into it and sat behind the wheel. Taking a deep breath she started the car and headed for the airport.